Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
