Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
