you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
