Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
We were destined to go to rehab together
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Randomize
