Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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