I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
