I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
