Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
