I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
ttyl tear gas
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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