We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
