I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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