She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
