i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
