Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
