Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
