Do vagina's smell?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
