In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
