Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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