So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
