the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
