Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
