I faked an abortion last night.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
