Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
