"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
