I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
My liver just had a heart attack.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
