I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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