I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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