I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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