Having a random hookup so left but love u
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
