You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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