Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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