youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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