cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
