Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
What drink are we having for lunch?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
