I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
