He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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