who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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