i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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