I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
