the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
