Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
