dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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