So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
