I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
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