if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
