I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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