Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
