remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
