wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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