they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
