Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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