I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
