hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
