I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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