I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
foreskin is a definite game changer
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
